Connecting A Disconnected Family

So far we have looked at Molly, Stanley, Matthew and Sarah individually. However, one of the key questions to be asked; can they become a healthy family unit and put their past issues behind them?

This family, if we can dare to call them a family, similar to so many other families working through some individual, but intrinsic and complicated, life issues.

Sarah through no fault of her own had no clue what family meant. She was taken away from the only family she knew and forced to change her entire belief system at the age of five and even though she had siblings living within the same walls of the Residential School she was, she was not allowed to associate with them.

Molly has and is facing rejection issues, which caused her abandonment issues and resulted in addictions to alcohol at a very young age. As a result of her drinking problem she is also dealing with shame and guilt because she continued drinking during pregnancy and her infant was born with brain injury trauma (FAS and FASD), which could have been prevented.

Matthew innocent of all and any issues as an infant, toddler and child, already faces barriers that he has no control over. Living with his grandmother, barely knows his mother, has no idea who his father is and has a step father he has never met is working through, as best he can, brain injury trauma he was born with called FAS and FASD.

Stanley in and out of fosters homes, family homes, hating life and giving up on any form or healthy living as even being possible for him. Turned to alcohol at a young age and gave up on ever being happy or satisfied with anything. Domineering, hateful and abusive toward any woman, who might try to get near to him and steer his heart.

Individually they have all been working on their lives, trying to understand who they are and why they are the way they are. Now, it is time for this family, to come together and work on becoming a working unit, making life better for themselves as a family and allowing the community in which they live to help them grow and flourish.

In order to help this family come together on a regular basis, Molly and Stanley have moved to Grande Prairie, which is where Molly’s mother and son live. Stanley still has his lapses in the form of an occasional binge, but he is trying. Molly is still facing and working through her abandonment issues but she too is finding them an issue less and less as she gets to know her son better. Sarah has discovered, disclosure and closure through extensive counseling sessions and group sessions involving others who are Residential School Survivors. Matthew, well he is still a child, growing and developing. However, his issues are being dealt with now so that as he grows it will be easier for others to work with him. His teachers are taking more progressive training so they can more adequately work with Matthew and others like Matthew.

Restorative Justice

Restorative Justice is the act of bringing the willing victim and the willing perpetrator together in order to help both parties understand what the other has gone through and is feeling. It gives an opportunity for the victim to tell the perpetrator how their actions made them feel – the fear – loss of safety – isolation. It also gives the perpetrator the opportunity explain what has happened in their lives to bring them to the point of hurting others.

Though restorative justice has been used as a form of healing since 1979, it has been a practice in the Indigenous communities since pre-colonialism. The Indigenous name for restorative justice is called Sharing Circles. Sharing Circles can and have included police, child protection, mental health workers, Elders and trained volunteers for community intervention teams. Initial investigation teams consist of the victim, her family, the abuser and his family.

When sharing circles are part of restorative justice and a crime has been committed recommendations in regards to charges can be made to the courts about a wholehearted willingness to be part of the healing process. Some courts are now recognizing the merits of the sharing circle and placing the abuser into the hands of the Community Holistic Circle Healing (CHCH) Program.