Molly and Stanley

Yesterday you all heard bits and pieces of the conversation heard by anyone within hearing shot of Molly and Stanley. Today we will be looking who Molly and Stanley are and the paths they took in becoming healthy members of their community.

Who is Molly?

Molly is the youngest of six. There is a ten-year age difference between her and the second youngest child in the family. Having frequently found herself to be alone as a very young child, she still has fears of loneliness and suffers from feelings of abandonment. Molly turned to alcohol at a very young age. At the age of 17, Molly became pregnant. She gave birth to a son and named him Matthew.

As an infant, Matthew was diagnosed with FAS (Fetal Alcohol Syndrome) and Molly did not know how to take proper care of her son. She did not have an adequate support system resulting in Children’s Services stepping in and apprehending her child. Molly’s mother (Sarah) has custody of Matthew, because she had applied for kinship when Molly was pregnant with Matthew. At the age of eight, Matthew’s diagnosis of FAS changed to FASD (Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder).

Having been filled with shame and guilt she has lived through suicide ideation, including a couple attempted suicides and though she has tried to stop drinking, she has not been successful. However, for the last two years, Molly has been working on bringing Matthew home. She is married now, has resided at the same address since she married Stanley and she believes Stanley will be a good father to her son. In her mind, this should bring a good report for Children’s Services, proving she made adequate changes and is now capable of raising her own child. After the failed bus ride to introduce her husband to her mother and her son, Molly has come to realize, she needs to make deeper and better changes, if she is going to succeed in bringing her son home.

Molly learned that as she followed the path of her new journey by continuing to attend her appointments and learning how to incorporate the 7 Grandfather teachings and the Medicine Wheel into her healing journey the healthier she became.

The 7 Grandfather Teachings

The Medicine Wheel

Who is Stanley?

Stanley was born into an alcoholic abusive home. Grandparents lived with them and one was a Residential School survivor. He is the oldest of 8 siblings. He was barely two the first time he was apprehended by Children’s Services and placed in a foster home. He lived in more than eight homes by the time he was 6 years old. Frequently bullied by some of the older children living within the foster care system he had been placed into. He turned to alcohol by the time he was 10 years old. He felt as though he were an outcast and unwanted while living in the homes of family members. The first time he ran away he was twelve. Family members gave up on him as a lost cause. At sixteen, even the foster care system gave up on him and he was on his own.

He has an underlying feeling of anger towards all females because he feels abandoned by his parents, due to the fact that, his sister (the youngest member of the family) is the only child who grew up in the family home.

Stanley’s wife Molly came to a point in her life where she knew if she did not change, nothing in her life would change. She had heard that she would be able to get help from the Indigenous Friendship Centre and that is where her journey began. For a year, Stanley has watched his wife change and become a better person. Now he has come to a place where he knows he needs to make some changes of his own.

Stanley enters his local Indigenous Friendship Centre and asks, “Who can I talk to about making changes in my life, to help me be a better man, husband and step-father?” Stanley is introduced to the “7 Native American Philosophies”. These philosophies teach him about pre-colonial practices in how an Indigenous man lived his life and he learns about the Sharing Circle.

Stanley too learns about the Medicine Wheel, the Grandfather Teachings and the 7 Native American Philosophies. Growing up he had actually heard of and knew about the Medicine Wheel and the Grandfather Teachings, but the 7 Native American Philosophies was all new to him.

First Philosophy – To the Women

Traditionally women and children were honoured, loved, protected and cared for. Women were ranked highly with great respect and regarded with far-reaching social and political powers, and weighty leadership responsibilities (Brizinsky,1993; Chester, Robin, Koss, Lopez & Goldman, 1994; McGillivray & Comaskey 1996; Morrissonand Wilson, 1995; Bopp, 1983; Deloria, 1988; Brant, 1990).

Second Philosophy – To the Children

In the studies conducted it has been proven that prior to initial European contact First Nations peoples had their own form of tribal practices for providing mentorship for the children within their communities. The entire tribe (community) contributed to raising the children. Children were regarded as gifts from the Creator and the community shared in the responsibilities of raising them. Extended families were held in high regard as they assisted in mentoring the children (Klinck, Cardinal, Edwards, Gibson, Bisanz, & da Costa, 2005)

Third Philosophy – To the Family

Core Indigenous values such as holism, balance, connection to family and the environment are rooted in local culture and traditions. A holistic concept for Indigenous people extends further than the mental, physical, emotional and spiritual aspects of living (Archibald, 2006, pp. 39-53).

Fourth Philosophy – To the Community

Justice, social and mental health service agencies examined ways of operating culturally relevant, responsive realities and conditions within Aboriginal communities, finding a dramatic shift in orientation makes it possible for communities to face and work through domestic violence challenges (Bopp, Bopp & Lane 1998).

Fifth Philosophy – To the Earth

By making good use of our resources, I am practicing nonviolence and respect for Mother Earth. I will show my appreciation of the earth’s bounty by thanking those who make my food available – farmer, delivery person, grocery clerk, cook, waitress, etc. (Howe, 2006). When a healers is referred to as humble, honest, gentle by others it really means he/she have reconciled with Mother Earth and is regarded to as having self-acceptance, respect from the community, fearless, free from the need to control, understanding of professional limitation and is spiritually grounded. (Aboriginal Healing Foundation, 2003).

Sixth Philosophy – To the Creator

Having a clear mind, thinking spiritually, belief in the Creator, your-self and other people, freedom from rage anger and hurt brings healing. Replacing anger, fear and despair with hope, caring for others, compassion and love helps people who are healing become functional members of the community The main foundational component for healing is Spirituality, which comes through prayer, sweats and traditional gatherings such as talking or sharing circles, powwows and any other gathering that includes the Creator. By reorienting the past events from hurt and attaching new meaning to the hurt changes it from negative experience to a positive experience.

Seventh Philosophy – To Myself

Programs carrying out public relations outreach and support groups within local communities help men focus on healing and rehabilitation. Reflection work (asking why I do what I do) is key in learning how to work through family violence, and other forms of abuse within the community (Bopp,Bopp & Lane 1998).

Sharing Circles

Sharing circles can and have included police, child protection, mental health workers, Elders and trained volunteers for community intervention teams. Initial investigation teams consist of the victim, her family, the abuser and his family. When sharing circles are part of restorative justice and a crime has been committed recommendations in regards to charges can be made to the courts about a wholehearted willingness to be part of the healing process. Some courts are now recognizing the merits of the sharing circle and placing the abuser into the hands of the Community Holistic Circle Healing (CHCH) Program.

The Quilt I made to represent Stanley's healing path

References

Aboriginal Healing Foundation. (2003). Third Interim Evaluation Report of Aboriginal Healing Foundation Program Activity. Prepared by Kishk Anaquot Health Research. Available online at http://www.ahf.ca/publications/evaluation-series.

Archibald, L. (2006). Decolonization and healing: Indigenous experiences in the United States, New Zealand, Australia, and Greenland. The Aboriginal Healing Foundation: Ottawa. Available online at: http://www.ahf.ca/publications/research-series.

Benton-Banai, 1988; Mawhiney & Nabigon, 2011; Morrisseau, 1998; Nabigon, 2006; Wenger-Nabigon, 2010; Wesley-Esquimaux & Snowball, 2010)

Bopp, M., Bopp J., & Lane P., (1998). Community healing and Aboriginal social security reform: A study prepared for the Assembly of First Nations Aboriginal Social Security Reform initiative. Lethbridge, AB: Four Worlds Press.

Brizinsky, (1993); Chester, Robin, Koss, Lopez & Goldman, 1994; McGillivray & Comaskey 1996; Morrisson & Wilson, 1995; Bopp, 1983; Deloria, E.C., 1988; Brant, 1990

Greenfield, M. 2013 Seven Grandfather Teachings, Camp Widjiitwin News http://widjiitiwin.ca/seven-grandfathers-teachings/

Pizzey, B 2013 Back On The Road, Traveling Truths: Highway Memoirs pp 45 - 49

Pizzey, B 2014 Molly’s Story, 2014 Indigenous Women’s Conference, Cairns, Australia

Pizzey, B 2015 Stanley Is a Kind Man: Stanley’s Journey

White Bison (2015) http://www.sapphyr.net/natam/natam7philosophies.htm & https://www.facebook.com/whitebisoninc?fref=ts

http://www.ofifc.org/about-friendship-centres/programs-services/ending-violence/kizhaay-anishinaabe-niin